21 notes for Meditators: Answers for Questions you never asked!
Note 7: Relationship is a Mirror
As we move deep into meditation, we have discussed several changes the Meditator experiences in his inner journey. Today let’s talk about the effects on relationships.
Generally, a relationship is about the labels. You relate to a label. Your wife, your child, your parents, your friend …so on and so forth…. In an unconscious mind-centered living, you mostly live out of ego. Ego tells you how to manage your relationships. For every person you are in a relationship with, you carry strong opinions and ideas. Based on your opinion and idea, you treat each one of them differently. You treat each one of them, be it a colleague, children, or your wife, with a fixed set of feelings. It is almost like you create a box and put all your opinions there and every time you relate, you relate thru this box.
After you spend considerable time in meditation, you start losing labels. Let me explain this little bit in detail. Present moment awareness usually removes all reactive mechanisms and moves you towards a responsive mechanism. In reactive mechanism, you usually react thru your head whereas in responsive mechanism you tend to respond thru your heart.
Let me give you an example of how the response varies for a Meditator. Let’s say your wife tells you that you have a problem with responsibility & you have forgotten something important. Usually, if you are not a Meditator, then you get into argument about her problems and her characteristics, and then probably the argument goes into past and unresolved issues. Once a little bit of awareness and mindfulness enters your life, your usual response will be, one of a smile and an apology and you simply do what is needed at this moment to solve this problem without any effort towards argument.
So the point I am trying to make here is Meditator starts moving from label to energy. You start moving from relationship to Love. In relationships, you carry past and fixed opinions. But in love, you live moment to moment. Relationship wants to dominate whereas love allows freedom. The relationship needs dominance and possessiveness, whereas love requires soil of unconditional freedom and compassion. Relationships demand the need to be loved whereas love knows how to love.Sureshg ,founder breathwork India
Effect on nearby relationships:
All nearby relationships will feel the effect of your inner transformation. First, there will be some turmoil. For you, as a Meditator, everyone becomes special and the same. Any egocentric living demands attention and you may not provide any special attention any anyone. So near ones may feel that you are treating them differently or you are not paying attention to them. You lose interest and need to maintain relationships because you do not have time and interest in drama. At this stage, few friends and relatives tend to drop out of your life. But often people you live with and meet can feel the different depth of affection and love from you. You will develop the ability to love people unconditionally and accept them.
What can you do?
As I said many times before, continue meditation. But in this case, you may have to put in some effort. You have to take your loved ones and nearby ones, at least the ones you live under a roof into confidence. You have to explain how you are feeling and your reluctance for any drama. You also can encourage them to talk to you more openly and freely so that they can feel complete acceptance from you. This phase can teach you one important lesson. i.e. how to meditate in a marketplace. Make efforts to maintain socially relevant relationships, for example in your office, with your blood relatives, with close friends in a meditative way. Learn to balance instead of retreat. This way you can learn even in the middle of all the drama you can still access your inner sanctuary.
Note to help:
When it comes to relationships, your meditation is a mirror. If you are feeling peaceful and joyful, you will discover the same from your relationships. If your meditation brings you peace, then know that your relationships will also bring peace. So whatever you feel at this stage with relationships is a mirror image of you. One very simple suggestion is that meditate often with your family members. If your family members do not want to meditate then ask them to just sit around you- read a book, listen to music but just stay around while meditating. Over some time everyone around you will fall in tune with you as you fall in tune with awareness.
Here is a beautiful meditation by Mooji
A beautiful guided meditation with Mooji into the space of pure being. “Everything is in place for life to unfold in its natural way. Be aware of this. You are not apart from life, but life itself. You are simply here – undivided, whole, complete, happy. Be confirmed in your completeness.”
I send you love and awareness . let me know your thoughts and any feedback is welcome!
Sureshg is the founder of Breathwork India. If you have any doubts , feel free to write in comments or if you have personal or professional question then do use our contact details page to write to him.
Image credit: Found on Buddha Art