21 notes for Meditators: Answers for Questions you never asked!
Note 9: Losing awareness; Tears in Heaven
Moments of separation with awareness are part of the meditator’s journey. Sufi’s call these moments of separation from the beloved. Today I would like to share more about meditators’ pain of separation with the awareness.
Meditators over time realize that Meditation is just a knack, a Knack of watching the mind. Once you get hold of this knack, you can often get back to mindfulness mode. Please note that the “moments of separation”, I am talking about are those moments where you just lose this knack to meditate. How much ever you try, you just cannot make it work. This is a common phenomenon in the life of every seeker. Just when meditators begin to realize the benefits of meditation, they are often hit with moments of depression, unawareness, and painful separation from awareness.
Please note again that the “moments of separation” I am talking about are those moments where you have lost your knack to be aware! Otherwise whole day you can be unaware of your mind and nothing hurts. These moments are unique in such a way that, you know, you are not mindful and you can do nothing about it.
Once you understand how mind watching works, you get used to the undercurrent of awareness inside you. This awareness stays with you as a shadow most of the time; although I am not saying your awareness is constant and continuous. Your ability to get back to mindfulness mode is frequent and often easy. But suddenly there will be days or maybe weeks, where you will just lose the entire ability to get back into meditation. Whatever you try and do you will struggle to get back to peaceful awareness.
The pain of this separation from awareness has a deep impact on the Meditator in a couple of ways, First, after meditating for a while there is always a chance ego comes from the backdoor and keeps telling you that you are a good Meditator now. You tend to develop what is called “meditators Ego”. This subtle leftover part of Ego tends to get destroyed at this stage. Because whatever you do, rarely you can get back to watchfulness at your will. Your helplessness at this moment makes you realize that you are not special after all. These moments of pain are essential to remove the ego of being a Meditator.
This pain is not to make you sad, remember. That’s where people go on missing. This pain is just to make you more alert; because people become alert only when the arrow goes deep into their heart and wounds them. Crying in your loneliness, those are the occasions when, if you use them, you can become aware. The arrow is hurting: it can be used. The pain is not to make you miserable; the pain is to make you more aware! And when you are aware, misery disappears.
We meet only to depart, we depart only to meet. once you tasted the nectar of awareness there is no return. you keep going back to beloved!Sureshg, Founder Breathwork India
What can you do?
It’s almost like in the life of a Boxer, Injuries are expected and common. Similar way, Meditators life is full this “moments of separation from consciousness”. You have to make peace with this fact as early as possible. You need to watch out for pitfalls. Meditators often break down in solitude and feel deep emotional pain. Crying for long hours and depression is common during these moments. Remember this is a lesson in awareness. Wait patiently and lovingly for the awareness to return. Meanwhile, engage in activities and work which brings you joy. Do not fight and force your way back into meditation. Just leave meditation and mindfulness for few days. You will know when to get back. The calling always comes back.
Note to help:
Here is a music meditation you might find very soothing and brings back remembrance of awareness. Whenever you feel just lost a little bit. Just lie down, relax and try and meditate on this music. This Beautiful music by Shastro is a song of beloved and it can help you to get back to awareness.
Use work as a tool to regain Knack of awareness. Cooking, gardening, carpentry anything you enjoy can help regain your center. You can use music too; Meditation Music can help you to get back to the groove. Always find an activity of joy and go back to nature. I used to find walking amid nature as helpful activity in regaining the center of stillness.
Sureshg is the founder of Breathwork India. If you have any doubts , feel free to write in comments or if you have personal or professional question then do use our contact details page to write to him.
Image Art: Gustav Klimt